Friday, June 18, 2010

Daddy



Just typing the title for this blog brought tears to my eyes. I am my Daddy's little girl. Not in the sense that he spoiled me rotten or gave me anything I wanted or let me get away with anything but in the sense that there is a bond between us that nothing can take away. I was having a hard time deciding what to put in this post and then yesterday all of these memories came flooding back. Memories of just how much he loves me and of how I have depended on his quiet strength and love all of my life.....


There were those times when he would chase me around the house trying to catch me so he could give me a good tickle or pull a loose tooth. There was the time when I was little and fell off my bike and he and a friend stopped right in the middle of the street and prayed for me as blood was flowing from my injuries. The time when I was an early teen and someone made a comment about my weight that really hurt and my Dad was the one who came and found me and told me that I was beautiful and to not let what someone said make me doubt that. The time, on the worst day of my life, when just hearing his voice brought more peace to my heart. The time when the most stressful part of my life and the trial was finally over and he gave me a hug that I will never forget. The time when we were roommates for 6 months in an apartment in the city and grew closer in our friendship (how I enjoyed that!). The time when he came home one night and I met him at the door with an engagement ring on my finger and once again received a hug I will never forget with a whisper in my ear of "This is a tough one" knowing it meant that he loved me so very much and was having a hard time letting go. The time when I walked around the corner in my wedding dress and he saw me in it for the first time and we both just stopped and got tears in our eyes. The time when just before we walked down the aisle he touched my hand and asked me if I was ready. The time when he prayed a blessing over Chad and me on the day we were married.


There are so many more memories but one thing I realized was that in every big moment of my life my Dad has been there. Maybe not always physically as his work took him away from home quite a bit while I was growing up, but if he couldn't be there physically I still knew that he was there for me and loved me and would take care of me and protect me to the best of his ability. Many people who meet my Dad for the first time can feel a little intimidated as he is one of those men who is the strong silent type and doesn't say alot. Those who have gotten to know him well though know that he has a tender heart, a great sense of humor, that he sees the best in everyone, that when he loves you he will stand with you and be loyal.


I have learned so much from my Dad. I have learned that when things get tough you still keep going and fight through it. I have learned what a strong work ethic truly is and how it comes into play not just in actual work but in pushing through in other areas as well and wanting to do your best. I have learned how much fun it is to go out as a family and gather firewood, or x-country ski when there is a full moon, or go snowmobiling, or just sit and watch a good movie. I have learned so much spiritually as well as he has the gift of teaching and while it has been a long time since he has had the opportunity to teach when I was growing up he taught me alot and was always there to answer questions and help me figure out the answers. I have learned alot from my Dad but there is one thing that stands out to me. I have learned what it truly means to be a Daddy's little girl and to feel safe and loved. It doesn't matter that I am married now and have my own home. I still need my Daddy. I still need those hugs and smiles and just to know that he is there with advice and ideas and a lifetime of experience to draw from.


Thank you Dad. For loving me, for taking care of me, for praying for me and with me, for hugging me, for instilling in me a sense of ownership and pride not just in the work I do but in how I live my life, for being a pillar of strength for me so many times over my life when I needed you to be. Thank you for loving me enough to let me go and become the wife that I am. Thank you for providing for me in so many ways. I so hope that one day I have a daughter so that she and Chad can share what you and I share, a blessing, not to be taken for granted. I love you so much Dad. You have a place in my heart that is more tender than others and I will always and forever be your little girl.


Happy Father's Day.



















Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Hope



When we lived in BC we were so very blessed to live on a beautiful acreage at the foot of the mountains. On the acreage was an old homestead, and when I say old I mean old. The cabins were all falling in on themselves and we knew that the road to get to them had most likely been a wagon road at one time. In fact, we learned after we had moved to the acreage that my Grandma on my Mom's side used to go to the main house in that homestead when she was a little girl (Grandma would have been well into her 90s now) and learn how to do needlework. What a place of history and nostalgia! One spring a friend of mine was walking around the homestead and came upon some beautiful flowers. She picked them and showed me where she had found them and every spring from then until we moved I would wait and hope that the flowers would come again. We knew that the flowers were not wild BC flowers but rather would have been planted by someone else who hoped to see them every spring and here they still were, years and years after the inhabitants had left, fighting through the knee high grass and weeds to emerge every spring. We did transplant some of them at one point to Mom's garden but when we left BC we forgot to bring any with us. So last fall I went on a hunt and finally found a greenhouse in BC that sold the bulbs. They are hard to come by in Canada. They are a type of daffodil, a narcissus. Last fall I planted them and hoped and hoped and hoped that they would grow as they are by far my most favorite flower ever. As you can see in the above photo they came up! I have only had two blooms so far this year but I know that next year there will be even more! They are such a delicate, beautiful flower and they have such a beautiful fragrance, like nothing you have smelled before. To me they are a sign of hope. Through the harsh winters they are in the cold dark earth just waiting to pop their heads through the ground so that they can grow and bloom in the sun once again. Hope is such an important part of my life and I am so thankful for this reminder of persevering and the beauty that can come from waiting and biding our time so that when the time is right and the sun comes out we can bloom in beauty and grace.

HOPE
Hope means to keep living
amid desperation,
and to keep humming in darkness.
Hoping is knowing that there is love,
it is trust in tomorrow
it is falling asleep
and waking again
when the sun rises.
In the midst of a gale at sea,
it is to discover land.
In the eye of another
it is to see that he understands you.
As long as there is still hope
there will also be prayer.
And God will be holding you 
in His hands.

Henri Nouwen