Well, okay, it was more like a tiny little baby step of faith, but I did it! I finally bought something for our baby. Up until this point I haven't really bought anything. We did buy a playard pretty much right away but it is still in a box in the garage. For some reason I have had a really hard time buying anything. I have wanted to but I would start looking and feel overwhelmed. It is such a strange feeling to be buying clothes or anything for a little person that I don't even know when they will be joining our family and of course almost everything is gender specific which doesn't help any.
Today though I decided that I needed to buy something and so I came home with a little package of 3 body suits and a little package of 8 washcloths. No, not much, but even buying that was tough for me. I was actually teary eyed looking at everything and couldn't think too hard about why I was actually doing it. You know, think about the fact that I am actually really going to be a mommy. I think there is a part of me that is holding back because of the fear of something going wrong and us not getting a baby after all. After 3 years of being disappointed every month it's tough sometimes to not just expect the same thing.
I think I need to give myself permission to be excited! To anticipate and hope and dream and start a little nest for the new little chickadee that will be joining our family. Today was a good start.
Auntie V, it wasn't diapers and it wasn't much, but I did it!
And they are so cute!
4 comments:
Faith is the substance of things hoped for the evidence of things not seen. A good step of faith. Proud of you:)
Your Mom is right on. You have now taken the first step on a path that is leading you to your new babe...that baby is at the end of a path already created....every journey starts with a single step, a quote that has the truth experienced by so many before us...you are just showing that you trust in what you know in your heart to be true...its ok to be excited...join me and your mom, we arent hidding our joy and anticipation....woot woot Auntie Von
Hi, I just found your blog from the comment you left on mine. I can tell you that the road you are on is not an easy one, but it is (at least for me) the MOST rewarding and blessing filled road I have ever walked! My wife and I have been where you are, we have adopted both domestically and international, both new born (right out of the hospital and older child. It is a rollercoast full of ups and downs but I can telling from my experience, once you let yourself be excited, give yourself that permission, God will NOT disappoint you!! - there may be "bumps" along the way (let's face it, some of those bumps will seem like mountains) but God will carry you over them or move them right out of the way! Hang in there, your special day is coming, let yourself be excited for it! Just said a prayer for you and your family. God has your child picked, just especially for you! If you ever have any questions or if there's something I can help with, email me @ james.schalk@gmail.com
Blessings!
James
The first thing I bought was "Goodnight Moon" my favourite book as a little girl. Praying that you hear something soon.
Erin
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