Daddy

Just typing the title for this blog brought tears to my eyes. I am my Daddy's little girl. Not in the sense that he spoiled me rotten or gave me anything I wanted or let me get away with anything but in the sense that there is a bond between us that nothing can take away. I was having a hard time deciding what to put in this post and then yesterday all of these memories came flooding back. Memories of just how much he loves me and of how I have depended on his quiet strength and love all of my life.....


There were those times when he would chase me around the house trying to catch me so he could give me a good tickle or pull a loose tooth. There was the time when I was little and fell off my bike and he and a friend stopped right in the middle of the street and prayed for me as blood was flowing from my injuries. The time when I was an early teen and someone made a comment about my weight that really hurt and my Dad was the one who came and found me and told me that I was beautiful and to not let what someone said make me doubt that. The time, on the worst day of my life, when just hearing his voice brought more peace to my heart. The time when the most stressful part of my life and the trial was finally over and he gave me a hug that I will never forget. The time when we were roommates for 6 months in an apartment in the city and grew closer in our friendship (how I enjoyed that!). The time when he came home one night and I met him at the door with an engagement ring on my finger and once again received a hug I will never forget with a whisper in my ear of "This is a tough one" knowing it meant that he loved me so very much and was having a hard time letting go. The time when I walked around the corner in my wedding dress and he saw me in it for the first time and we both just stopped and got tears in our eyes. The time when just before we walked down the aisle he touched my hand and asked me if I was ready. The time when he prayed a blessing over Chad and me on the day we were married.


There are so many more memories but one thing I realized was that in every big moment of my life my Dad has been there. Maybe not always physically as his work took him away from home quite a bit while I was growing up, but if he couldn't be there physically I still knew that he was there for me and loved me and would take care of me and protect me to the best of his ability. Many people who meet my Dad for the first time can feel a little intimidated as he is one of those men who is the strong silent type and doesn't say alot. Those who have gotten to know him well though know that he has a tender heart, a great sense of humor, that he sees the best in everyone, that when he loves you he will stand with you and be loyal.


I have learned so much from my Dad. I have learned that when things get tough you still keep going and fight through it. I have learned what a strong work ethic truly is and how it comes into play not just in actual work but in pushing through in other areas as well and wanting to do your best. I have learned how much fun it is to go out as a family and gather firewood, or x-country ski when there is a full moon, or go snowmobiling, or just sit and watch a good movie. I have learned so much spiritually as well as he has the gift of teaching and while it has been a long time since he has had the opportunity to teach when I was growing up he taught me alot and was always there to answer questions and help me figure out the answers. I have learned alot from my Dad but there is one thing that stands out to me. I have learned what it truly means to be a Daddy's little girl and to feel safe and loved. It doesn't matter that I am married now and have my own home. I still need my Daddy. I still need those hugs and smiles and just to know that he is there with advice and ideas and a lifetime of experience to draw from.


Thank you Dad. For loving me, for taking care of me, for praying for me and with me, for hugging me, for instilling in me a sense of ownership and pride not just in the work I do but in how I live my life, for being a pillar of strength for me so many times over my life when I needed you to be. Thank you for loving me enough to let me go and become the wife that I am. Thank you for providing for me in so many ways. I so hope that one day I have a daughter so that she and Chad can share what you and I share, a blessing, not to be taken for granted. I love you so much Dad. You have a place in my heart that is more tender than others and I will always and forever be your little girl.


Happy Father's Day.

Hope

When we lived in BC we were so very blessed to live on a beautiful acreage at the foot of the mountains. On the acreage was an old homestead, and when I say old I mean old. The cabins were all falling in on themselves and we knew that the road to get to them had most likely been a wagon road at one time. In fact, we learned after we had moved to the acreage that my Grandma on my Mom's side used to go to the main house in that homestead when she was a little girl (Grandma would have been well into her 90s now) and learn how to do needlework. What a place of history and nostalgia! One spring a friend of mine was walking around the homestead and came upon some beautiful flowers. She picked them and showed me where she had found them and every spring from then until we moved I would wait and hope that the flowers would come again. We knew that the flowers were not wild BC flowers but rather would have been planted by someone else who hoped to see them every spring and here they still were, years and years after the inhabitants had left, fighting through the knee high grass and weeds to emerge every spring. We did transplant some of them at one point to Mom's garden but when we left BC we forgot to bring any with us. So last fall I went on a hunt and finally found a greenhouse in BC that sold the bulbs. They are hard to come by in Canada. They are a type of daffodil, a narcissus. Last fall I planted them and hoped and hoped and hoped that they would grow as they are by far my most favorite flower ever. As you can see in the above photo they came up! I have only had two blooms so far this year but I know that next year there will be even more! They are such a delicate, beautiful flower and they have such a beautiful fragrance, like nothing you have smelled before. To me they are a sign of hope. Through the harsh winters they are in the cold dark earth just waiting to pop their heads through the ground so that they can grow and bloom in the sun once again. Hope is such an important part of my life and I am so thankful for this reminder of persevering and the beauty that can come from waiting and biding our time so that when the time is right and the sun comes out we can bloom in beauty and grace.

HOPE

Hope means to keep living

amid desperation,

and to keep humming in darkness.

Hoping is knowing that there is love,

it is trust in tomorrow

it is falling asleep

and waking again

when the sun rises.

In the midst of a gale at sea,

it is to discover land.

In the eye of another

it is to see that he understands you.

As long as there is still hope

there will also be prayer.

And God will be holding you 

in His hands.

Henri Nouwen

Waiting List Update

Yesterday marked 2 months of being on the active waiting list with the adoption agency. I got in touch with them just to see if there has been any movement on our profile at all. One of the ladies there emailed me back and let me know that we have moved from #49 to #42. Our profile hasn't been shown at all yet and they have one birthmom right now who hasn't seen any profiles as of yet. It is encouraging that we have moved up the list, discouraging that our profile hasn't been out yet, but we know it all takes time and that God's timing is perfect in it all. I will wait another couple of months and check in with them again. 


How thankful I am that it is summer and we will be busy enjoying the beautiful weather and going to the lake and working in the yard. I think it will be a little easier to wait than it would be if we were stuck inside all winter with not much to do besides thinking of the fact that we are waiting. It is so different than waiting for your baby to come when you are pregnant because at least then you have a deadline to look towards and plan for and get excited about. With adopting there is no deadline, no idea how long the wait will be. Yes we can plan and start getting things ready but we don't want to do too much and then just have everything sitting there waiting. So we will take it a little bit at a time and hope and pray that the time goes quickly!

BRIGHTEN THE CORNER WHERE YOU ARE

We cannot all be famous
or be listed in "Who's Who",
But every person, great or small,
has important work to do.
For seldom do we realize,
the importance of small deeds.
Or to what degree of greatness,
unnoticed kindness leads.

For it's not the big celebrity
in a world of fame and praise,
But it's doing unpretentiously,
in undistinguished way.
The work that God assigned to us,
unimportant as it seems,
That makes our task outstanding,
and brings reality to dreams.

So do not sit and idly wish
for wider, new dimensions,
Where you can put in practice
your many good intentions.
But at the spot God placed you,
begin at once to do,
Little things to brighten up
the lives surrounding you.


If everybody brightened up
the spot where they're standing,
By being more considerate
and a little less demanding,
This dark old world would very soon
eclipse the evening star.
If everybody brightened up
the corner where they are!

Author: Helen Steiner Rice

For You Mom

With Mother’s Day approaching I have been thinking about my Mom and decided that I wanted to write a blog in dedication to her. I have often thought that my Mom needs to write a book, an autobiography. She has such a story to tell of the life she has lived and the experiences she has had and the lessons she has learned. Maybe she will do that one day but for right now I am going to attempt to blog a dedication of love and thankfulness for her and all of the sacrifices she has made and is making for those she loves...

Of all the memories from my childhood the one thing that stands out is being surrounded by the love of a Mom who sacrificed so much for all of us every day of her life. She sacrificed what so many girls at her age were experiencing, making plans and dreaming dreams, and she had to grow up so quickly. She was a pioneer in homeschooling and sacrificed her time and energy in keeping us at home and giving us an excellent education and teaching us so much more than just what was in the books. She also taught us how to respect others, relate with people of all ages, have a good work ethic, be self-disciplined, trust in God, be positive in stressful situations and so much more. There were struggles and tears and fights but she wanted what was best for us and so she persevered and I am sure that she learned and grew through it all as well. I know I will be eternally grateful that I was homeschooled. 

She sacrificed when we had to move from her hometown to the Elk Valley leaving her family and closest friends behind. She sacrificed when my Dad had to travel so much and be on call leaving her to raise us kids on her own much of the time. She sacrificed when she took the trip back to her hometown so very many times to take care of her mother who was slowing becoming more frail, even though there was other family there that could have been taking care of her. She sacrificed when once again she had to pick up stakes and move, this time away from her mountain haven to a bustling prairie city. She sacrifices now as she takes care of her mother-in-law who is becoming more frail and dependent every day.

I have learned so much from my Mom over the years and she is truly my greatest example of what a wife and mother should be. I know she isn’t perfect and I know that she struggles and has her faults and cries her tears and gets angry and has her doubts but that just makes her even more of an example to me because in it all she perseveres, she hopes, she trusts, she loves, she chooses life and laughter. 

She loves her family fiercely, hurts when we hurt, cries when we cry, rejoices when we rejoice, hopes when we hope. She is always there for us even when it means sacrificing yet again and maybe having to go beyond herself. She sticks by Dad through thick and thin and while I know there have been struggles there at times as well she is so devoted to him, loves him so much and is committed to loving him until death do they part.

When you look up the meaning of Mom in the dictionary all you get is “a female parent”. I think a new definition needs to be written and if I were to write it my definition for my Mom would be “gracious, self-sacrificing, loving, supportive, encouraging, strong, trustworthy, gentle, quirky, fun-loving, intelligent, example, dependable, joyful, a Godly woman of character and strength.”

You are all that and so much more to me Mom. You are an example of trusting when it’s hard to trust, loving when it’s hard to love, rejoicing when it’s hard to rejoice, hoping when it’s hard to hope, believing when it’s hard to believe, and encouraging when you are the one who needs to be encouraged. Thank you for being first and foremost my Mom and then my friend. How reassuring it is to know that as old as I get you will always be my Mommy, the one I can turn to when I have an owie. 


Thank you for being my example, for teaching me how to hope and count my blessings and trust that God has all things in control and His timing is perfect. During this period of my life when I am waiting to become a mommy myself I am so thankful to have you and can only hope to be as good a Mom as you have been and are.

On Mother’s Day and every day may you know that you are loved, you are cherished, you are needed, your sacrifices have not gone unnoticed and you have made such a difference in the lives of those who know you.

I love you Mom. Happy Mother’s Day.

Love, your Jewel

Presents!

Yesterday Chad and I were out and about doing a bit of shopping and he bought me a couple of presents! We laughed a little just cause apparently I am really easy to please. My gifts? A new (good quality) cutting board and a new broom and dustpan! :) Exciting and romantic right? Well, for someone who is a full time homemaker it actually is! Not just because I really needed new ones but more because it meant alot that Chad wanted to make me happy. I would never complain if he brought me flowers or bought me jewelry but what made yesterday great was just that we were together. Not doing anything special per se but just wandering around enjoying each other's company with no deadlines or stress, just being us. We don't do that very often. I also know that in his way Chad was trying to bless me and spoil me and I love him for it! Some people may see him buying me things like that as, oh I don't know, almost chauvinistic, but I sure didn't. It is the little things that count, the little things that can brighten our days and bring joy to our hearts and make us feel loved. I am looking forward to using the cutting board in making our meals and to using the broom to sweep up all the grass that makes it's way into our house on little puppy feet. I am blessed and I am loved and my hubby really does a good job of reminding me of both just in the way he treats me and all the little and big things he does for me and with me. What a blessed girl I am!

In His Time

I have been doing some thinking over the last few days of the twists and turns my life has taken. Those who have known me for a long time know that it was always my heart's desire to be married by the time I was 21 and then have lots of kids. Well, I got married at 33 and thus far we haven't been able to have children. So not how I had planned it! You know what though? I am so thankful! I love my life. I am so thankful for all of the blessings and all of the twists and turns and for where I am today. I am so thankful for the love that Chad and I share. I used to imagine what it would be like to be married and to love and be loved but never was I able to imagine someone like my Chad or to imagine a love like ours. Yes, I had to wait a long time for him and at times I would grow discouraged and wonder if God had forgotten about me, but I always chose to put my trust in God and believe that He knew best and would bring it about all in His time. 


I wouldn't change a thing about how and when everything has come about in my life. Even the tears and hurt and heartbreaks. They are all part of what has brought me to today, made me the person I am, making me the person I am supposed to be. I have learned and grown and been challenged and I know that as time goes on I will continue to learn and be challenged but I am finding that it isn't taking me quite as long to learn. I am finding that I am so much more willing to let God be God and to trust that His timing is perfect. It is so much easier to go through life knowing that God is taking care of me, of my husband, of our families and home and puppy. I keep seeing Him in little things, and the more I acknowledge Him in the little things the easier it is to trust Him in the big things. May I just keep growing and trusting and learning!


For years I had a song picked out that I wanted sung at our wedding. When our wedding day finally came around it fit even more perfectly than I ever thought it would and it has become the theme song of my life...


In His time, in His time
He makes all things beautiful, in His time.
Lord, please show me every day, 
As You're teaching me Your way,
That You do just what You say,
In Your time


God would have us know, time makes all things grow
He will make it so in His time
And by His great hand, all our life is planned,
We will understand,
In His time


In Your time, in Your time
You make all things beautiful, in Your time
Lord, my life to You I bring,
May each song I have to sing,
Be to You a lovely thing,
In Your time


He truly does make all things beautiful in His time, and His timing is always perfect, even when we think He has forgotten. He makes of our lives a beautiful melody, when we allow Him to.

Ramblings

Not much is new and exciting with us but I thought I would ramble on for a little while anyways.


I have been busy. Just with life really. My parents were in Hawaii for 3 weeks (lucky them!) and so a couple of times a week I was driving out to their place to check on it and get the mail. Plus with them gone I also was going to see my Gramma a little more often and calling her to make sure she was okay. Of course I was working my usual shifts as well and going to church and small group and just doing all of my usual daily chores. So yeah, nothing exciting but at least I have been busy!


I think spring cleaning is going to begin for me next week. I really need to write a list of what I need to do and when I am going to do it. Always feels so good to check things off of a list like that! If I don't have a list and make a plan I will either do way too much in one day and be exhausted and sore or I will keep putting it off. Can't do that though cause it has to be done!


Nothing new on the adoption front although we did get a call from one of the social workers at the head office. She just wanted to let us know that she had taken a look at our profile and she thought it was excellent. She said it hadn't been shown yet but that didn't surprise me because they had only had it for a week! I am trying to think of it as if I am pregnant and there will be no baby for 9 months. That way if it happens earlier it will be a joyful surprise. Of course if it takes longer I will have to come up with a new plan so that I don't get all stressed out!


Yeah, not much to say but thought I should post something anyways.


Chad is on his way home from his sisters place which means I need to get supper going soon. What are we having? Salt and pepper chicken wings and veggie sticks. Yum!

Actively Waiting

As of today we are officially on the active waiting list with the adoption agency! We are at #49 but as far as we know 8 of those couples will be coming off the list soon. That doesn't mean we will be picked 49th because we really could be picked at any time. So now we "actively wait". Not sure how to do that. Such an oxymoron that is! I am finally starting to feel excited and like it is okay now to start to hope and dream and plan a little more. We have even started to discuss names and, even though I don't want to set up a whole nursery yet, I know I will be picking little things up here and there when I see good sales. It's a little different not knowing how long we are going to have to wait but I guess there is no harm in actually doing some prep right?! In the meantime "actively waiting" to me means praying and living and hoping and praying some more!


I am going to be a mommy! And my Chad is going to be the most amazing daddy that ever was!

Just Say "Thanks"

In my devotions this morning I was reading a little devotional on giving thanks. On how having someone say a meaningful "thank you" can help to brighten your day and make you feel appreciated. The devotional mentioned some verses in the Bible where it says to "give thanks" and how God loves to be thanked too and how He finds pleasure in our expressions of thanks and that it is in God's will that we thank Him. "In everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" 1st Thessalonians 5:18. Of course it is easier at some times than at others to give thanks but we are told to give thanks in everything! That is much easier said than done but I think that as we learn to do it we will see that it encourages our hearts and reminds us always that God's timing and will are perfect.
I had two rather significant (to me anyways) things happen today that made it easy to say thanks. Oh, 3 actually. It was so beautiful when we went for a walk this morning. No need for a toque or gloves! I think spring may finally be here! The next thing that happened was finding out that I can get the supplements the naturopath wants us to take for much cheaper than we have gotten them. They aren't exactly the same but they are close enough and do the same things and I don't have to drive as far and they are cheaper. That was a huge thanks! The other one was hearing back from a lady at the adoption agency. I had sent her our profile/letter and asked her to read it and then let us know if it was alright and if we needed to add or subtract or change anything. She emailed me back this morning and this was her response, "I think your profile is just great as it is. Don't change a thing!". How encouraging to hear and exciting because we can now have it printed and then send it off! 
I loved how when I was thanking God for these things my heart was even more encouraged and it just really made God's love for me so much more real when I acknowledged His blessings and just said thanks.
Now I have to practice giving thanks in everything!
So remember that God loves to be thanked, He takes pleasure in it. Your own heart will be encouraged and God's love will be even more real to you.

Cold Today

It is cold and snowy with a wind this morning. I was going to take the puppy for a walk like I usually do but we had him shaved yesterday so he is already cold and I really didn't feel like walking in the wind. 
-20ish with the wind chill this morning. Oh how I long for spring and warmer weather and buds on the trees and flowers pushing their way up through the soil and being able to go for a walk with just a sweater instead of my winter jacket. But then I remind myself that I do live in northern Alberta. We could be getting snow off and on until May. So instead of just complaining I will be thankful that I have a warm home and comfy clothes and food to put in my tummy.


We should be on the "active list" with the adoption agency some time next week! That is exciting for us! We know that once we are on the list there is nothing else we can do except wait but at least we will know that really at any time the phone could ring and we could have wonderful news and our arms and hearts will finally be filled. In some ways it all still fills surreal and well, just, I don't know. It doesn't feel real to me in many ways and I think it's partially because so much of the contact I have had with the agency has been on the phone or through email. Almost feels like there is something else we should be doing but we are almost finished everything that was required of us. We are officially "Approved". We were even sent a certificate that says we are. So I guess we are doing things properly. Such a lesson in trust and faith and hope. After 3 years of trying to have a baby and being disappointed every month it is tough for me to get my hopes again. I think I keep waiting for everything to fall out from under us and yet I truly believe and feel in my heart that this is what God wants us to do and that He has a little one chosen just for us who needs us and who we need. So I continue to trust and to have faith and yes, even to hope.

Strict Regime

Today is the first day of a strict regime of supplements and diet and lots of exercise thrown in to help expedite things. Chad and I went to a fantastic naturopath on Friday. When I had called a month or so ago they said we couldn't get in until August but they would also put us on their waiting list although the likelihood of getting two back to back cancellations so we could go at the same time was slim to none. Last Wednesday I got a call from their office saying they'd had two cancellations for Friday morning and did we want them? Did we?! SO very thankful we got in. Chad actually wasn't too bad but there are definitely things that need to be taken care of. Me on the other hand, well, not so good, and if I'd had to wait until August I have no idea how sick I may have been. Nothing life threatening by any means but just lots in my blood that shouldn't be there and that is just making me feel ill as well as a liver that is stressed. So now we are both taking special supplements and really having to clamp down on what we eat. A very strict diet. It's not going to be easy but I know we will both feel so much better! For me I will probably feel worse before I feel better so this week could be interesting. I am willing to go through it though! We will be seeing the naturopath again in August and I am already excited to see the improvements!


On the adoption front.....our social worker is supposed to be coming over tonight to have us sign off on the last draft of our homestudy! Then it is sent to the agency where the director has to sign off on it and then we need to get our profile done. So close!