Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Let's Start at the Very Beginning - A Very Good Place to Start

Nervous. Excited. Anxious. Hopeful. Curious. Wondering. Trusting.

Yesterday Emma and I ran a very special errand. We went to the post office and mailed in our application for adoption to ABC! What a strange feeling that was! To be holding one amazing answer to prayer and to be submitting another request at the same time. We most likely won't be on the waiting list until fall as we have to jump through all the same hoops before that can happen but at least the ball is rolling and we have taken the first step. I would think the waiting would be easier this time with Emma filling our hearts and lives but I know I will still be praying lots and wondering and hoping and trusting, always trusting. We have seen that God definitely knows what He is doing in all of this and I am excited to see and to meet the next part of His plan. Although I will admit that our little Emma is such a special little girl I wonder how our next child and adoptive situation could ever match up.

I have been thinking about adoption alot lately and have realized how much my viewpoint has changed. I always thought it would be great to adopt, have wanted to adopt since I was very young. I liked the thought of giving an 'unwanted' child a good home and giving them the love they deserved. What I never could have anticipated is what I would receive through it all. I actually find myself almost feeling sorry people who have not experienced this beautiful gift. What a wonderful feeling to realize that you have been specifically chosen to raise a child who otherwise may not have had a loved filled life. To love with a love that grows day by day until you feel like your heart could burst. To know that God created that little one just for your family and that He had to orchestrate and weave every situation just so to make sure that baby ended up in your arms and heart. I honestly tend to forget most of the time that I didn't carry Emma and didn't give birth to her. She is so much a part of me and I of her that it is as if I did carry her and knew her all those months before she came into the world. I love watching her and discovering the little person she is. There is no saying "she gets that from her daddy" or "she must take after your side" because to us she is just uniquely Emma. Yes there are similarities as there will be from being raised by us and being in this environment but I love that Emma is just Emma. A beautiful little girl filled with so much love who loves to share and giggle and get into trouble and climb and dance and make others laugh.

I am looking forward to our next unique little one. Looking forward to seeing who God is going to bless us with this time and how and when. As I sit and write this my arms ache to hold that baby and to introduce them to their amazing big sister.

Would you join with us again as we wait and pray?

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Hope Springs Eternal

I am so thankful that I don't need to understand God and what He does in order to trust that He knows what He is doing. I am so thankful that in His way and in His time He makes all things beautiful. I am so thankful that He knows the journey each of us is going to take and that He has promised to be with us every step of the way. I am so thankful that even when we don't understand and when we grieve and shed tears that God is still sovereign. It doesn't mean I don't at times ask questions though. Like today...

Last night a precious little girl went home to be with Jesus after literally fighting for her life since before she was even born. Little Hope was born with half of a heart and last night, after a long battle, many surgeries and basically living in a hospital, her exhausted body went to sleep, she is now with Jesus and her heart is whole. I never had the privilege of meeting this sweet girl but followed her story through her Mom's blog. An open and honest blog of what it was like to travel this road, the good, the bad and the ugly. Hope lived until she was 13 months old and many hearts and lives were touched by this little girl and the amazing testimony and witness that her parents and extended family are. As I hold my own sweet baby close I can't help but ache and cry for Hope's parents and the loss they must be feeling. Yes, the last year has been harder than they were probably expecting but to have your precious baby taken from you must be so devastating. How thankful I am that they serve the Lord and that with His strength they will be able to deal with this next part of the journey.

This weekend we also heard that my friend Lara's husband Bruce, who was in the hospital a couple of months ago fighting for his life, this Sunday walked into church healthier than many 20 year olds! The miracles God has wrought in his physical body are absolutely stunning and the testimony has reached the world over to touch people and change lives.

This is where my questions come in...why did God choose to take Hope but heal Bruce? Why must one family grieve while the other rejoices? They both had thousands of people praying for them, interceding on their behalf.

I don't have answers, but you know what? I am okay with that. I learned a long time ago to put my trust in God. To not try and figure out what and why He does things the way He does. To not question or seek with my feeble earth-bound mind for answers that I may never understand anyways. There is a reason for all of this and we may never get to find out what that is but the truth of the matter is - God knows what He is doing. He knows the answers to all of the questions and why things have to happen the way they do. I am so thankful that I don't have to figure it out because I would exhaust myself trying to do so and I would be frustrated beyond words.

This I do know...God did heal Hope. He healed her in the way that He saw fit, the way that He knows will have more of an impact on people, the way that He knew was best for Hope and for her family. Hope has a whole heart now. A whole beautiful heart that is beating for joy to be in the presence of Jesus. She doesn't have any more tubes or wires or needles or medications. She is no longer in pain or sad or uncomfortable. She is whole, perfect, blameless, beautiful, healed.

One day I hope that Bruce and Hope are able to meet and swap stories. To share with each other all that God did through their stories, which to us seem to be so opposite but in God's eyes are exactly how He knew they would turn out.

As we rejoice with Bruce and Lara in the amazing, miraculous things that God has done and is doing through their story let us also remember to pray for Hope's parents Shawn and Amy and her big sister Sadie. They are starting out on a new journey now, with a part of them missing. May God be their strength and their comfort and may they one day be able to rejoice again and may God turn their mourning into dancing.

I am so thankful that hope springs eternal...


If any of you would like to know more of Hope's story here is the link to Amy's blog:

www.mendingheartsandbendingknees.blogspot.com