Happy Anniversary Honey

Tomorrow is our 4 year anniversary. How the time has flown by! At times it feels like we just had our most perfect day last year and at other times it feels as though we have been together forever. Of course I get all sentimental when our anniversary rolls around and once again I begin to think about how good God is and how His timing is perfect. Chad came into my life at just the right time. I wasn't expecting him, wasn't even really looking for him, was just having fun and enjoying my life at the time. But God knew that my life could be even better and that it was time to fulfill my every hope and prayer and dream and so He brought the most amazing man into my life. 


How many years did I pray? How many tears did I cry? How often did I wonder if God had forgotten all about me? How hard was it at times to keep hope alive and joy in my heart and trust that God had my life and hopes and dreams in His hand and only wanted the best for me? 


All of those tears and questions and doubts and fears? They were gone the day that I realized Chad was my forever love, my soul mate, my best friend, my hero, my solid rock and soft place to fall. I distinctly remember the day that I realized I loved him and had never felt anything like that before. There were no fireworks, no squeals of delight, no sighing, just a peace I have never felt before and a knowing. Just a knowing. Chad was right. Right for me, right with me, right to be with for the rest of my life, right to share my every hope and dream and fear with. 


Chad, you are my forever love. You are the only person in this whole world whom I feel completely comfortable with and know that no matter what you love me for who I am and even in spite of who I am at times. You encourage me to be who I am even when you know it is a struggle at times for me. You stand with me and stand up for me and take care of me. I am so incredibly proud of the man that you are. A man of integrity and character. A man with a gentle heart that loves so easily but also has discernment and can read people so well. I have learned so much from you in the time we have been together. You provide so well for our little family and work so hard and do such an amazing job of taking care of us.


I always knew that God would answer my prayers one day. What I didn't anticipate was that He would bless me with a man who exceeded my every hope and dream and expectation. I remember you asking me, before we were even dating, if I believed in soul mates and how a little while later you told me that you were hoping I was yours. How blessed we are to have been brought together by a God who wants only the best for us and who knew that we would need each other in this life. In the 4 years we have been together we have had to deal with some things most couples will never have to deal with and I want to say thank you. Thank you for never blaming me or making me feel guilty for not being able to bless you with a biological child. Thank you for having such a heart that is so willing to adopt and to love that child as our own. Thank you for letting me cry when I needed to, for putting up with the rollercoaster ride of hormones and emotions and for reminding me that everything is going to be okay, no matter what. Thank you for letting me know that even if we were never to become parents I am all you need. How my heart clings to that.


I love you, so very much, and will be eternally grateful that I waited for you, kept myself for you, prayed for you and let myself love you. If I had to wait for you all over again I would do it because God has shown me that His way truly is perfect and if we wait on Him and let Him have control He truly does make everything beautiful in His time.


I am yours always honey and am so thankful that you are mine.


Now I need to go wipe away these silly tears...

Adoption Update

I emailed the agency today for an update on our status. Penny emailed me back right away and let me know that we have moved from spot 42 to spot 38 on the list! Not a huge jump in the last couple of months but we are out of the 40s so that is encouraging! She told me that the spring has been really slow for them at the agency and they didn't even show any profiles last month. They are currently working with 4 birthmoms who are in the process of deciding whether or not adoption is the choice they will make. They will be showing those birthmoms some profiles in a month or so. 


Not lots of news but at least we are slowly but surely getting closer to expanding our family. I find myself asking people more questions now and gleaning info about diapers and baby wraps and my Auntie gave me a really cool book all about making your own baby food as well as a fuzzy baby blankie. So it is all coming together and I am more open to gathering info and necessities. I know we should start doing so soon but I have a hard time doing it thus far. Maybe it is time though, time to let hope and anticipation really start to grow and bear fruit.


I will get in touch with the agency again in September and maybe by then we will even be in the low 30s!

Happy Birthday! To Me!

I have always loved my birthday. Yes, there have been the few odd ones that I dreaded because of my circumstances or just my self-pitying attitude. For the most part though I have always looked forward to my birthday. It is a day of being spoiled (and who doesn't love that?!), a day of being reminded that I am loved and thought of and appreciated, a day when I give myself permission to not do anything! No housework, no cooking, no laundry, just having a day for myself. 


My birthday is even more special though because I share the day with my Mom! That's right, I was born on her birthday. We always have lunch together and exchange gifts and out of the many years that I have been on this earth I can only think of a few times that we haven't been able to spend our actual birthday together. We both try and make sure that we are available for this day. Mom and I have always been close and I think being born on her birthday is part of that reason. I look forward to spending many many more birthday lunches with my beautiful, loving Mom.


Instead of being down because I am on the downhill slide to 40, I am looking forward to what the future holds! So here's to my birthday! And to a year full of promise and hope!