It Is Now Official

Today we sent our application for adoption to the agency in Calgary. It took a little longer to get it all done than we had originally hoped for because of having to get doctor's notes and criminal checks and such. I called the agency on Friday and found out that because of the situation with the orphans from Haiti one part of the application is going to take a little longer than usual but that's okay. All part of the plan and God's timing I am sure. One good thing is that the number of people on the waiting list isn't as high as I thought it would be. It feels good to have the application sent away and it definitely feels more official now. Our journey with this really started 3 years ago when we first started trying to conceive and agreed that if it didn't work we would adopt. Then a few months ago we agreed it was time to really start seriously looking into it and I got in touch with the agency in November and a couple weeks ago we went to the seminar. So while it all started some time ago it definitely feels more official and real now. 


Mailing the application in really takes all control out of our hands and there are a number of different emotions going on like excitement and trepidation and anticipation and anxiety. Feels so strange in a way that we are on our way to being parents! I am going to be a mommy one day and will have a little one who runs to see daddy come through the door after a hard day at work. Finlay already does that but I am pretty sure it just isn't the same. :) We have been on such a rollercoaster of emotions the last 3 years while trying to conceive and I know that the ride is just going to continue on for a little while. You know what though? I am SO thankful that we have a Safety Belt to keep us safe and keep us from flying out of the rollercoaster. So thankful that God doesn't give us more than we can handle with His strength and comfort and wisdom. I know there are still going to be many tears shed and much laughter, much sorrow and much joy. I recently read an article on adoption that the agency sent to us and cried while reading some of it and especially while reading the last paragraph which closes the article....


"Don't be afraid to wear your heart on your sleeve, to say what you think, to pipe in, to spill your guts, to shout out in anger or cry out in joy. Through this whole process, you are going to be the most vulnerable person on earth or at least you are going to feel that. And it makes no sense to conceal it. You'll cry like a river and in the end I think you'll find that river is truly the river of life."


Those of you who know me know that I wear my heart on my sleeve anyways and already this adoption process has brought tears. It's good though. I would so much rather be honest with my feelings and let myself feel every emotion than to close it all out and have it all come up at some inopportune moment. I want to feel and experience this adoption plan in my heart of hearts and know that we are doing the right thing because I know that will filter down into my relationship with our baby and we will all be the better for it.


Now if you will excuse me I have some river leaking it's way out again. Must find a tissue.

ALWAYS!

Sorrow and Joy

Two words that have been spinning around inside my head for the last little while. Two very opposite words. Two intense emotions. The sorrow of losing a loved one and the joy of knowing they are home with their Lord. The sorrow when a long-time friendship is broken and joy when a new lasting friendship is built. The sorrow of a birthmother when she releases her child and the joy of the adoptive parents as they welcome their new little one into their home. The sorrow of a tragedy like Haiti and yet the joy in the midst of that sorrow when another survivor is found. It has brought many different thoughts to mind and while those thoughts are still rather scattered I am going to share a few here and hope that they make sense.


I was visiting my Grandma one afternoon last week and as we quite often do we prayed together before I left. Her prayer really touched my heart as she began to thank the Lord for all of her blessings and how she wonders what she has done to deserve those blessings. Now you have to know what's going on with my Grandma. She is 90 years old, almost blind, losing her hearing, bent over from severe osteoporosis and has arthritis and emphysema. Of course she has days and times where she complains and who can fault her for that but on this day she was thanking the Lord for her blessings, for thinking of her, for loving her, even though she isn't worthy. I am moved to tears to think of it. In the midst of her sorrow and struggle and weakness she is thankful to the Lord for her blessings that are too numerous to count.


I have a friend who, unbeknownst to her, taught me a lesson years ago. She taught me to be thankful for the little things that others may not notice. We would be walking along and she would, out loud, thank God for the little flower she saw, or bird, or butterfly, etc. At first I thought it was just cute and a little different but then I realized how right she was. We thank God for the big obvious things but how often do we thank Him for the smaller things?Because of that friend I now thank the Lord when I see a beautiful sunrise, a bunny hopping down the trail, hear the birds singing in the trees, find a good parking spot, when the sweater I have been wanting goes on sale. When I do it really feels like God is doing those things just for me, waiting for me to notice, to feel His love, to feel the joy in His heart when I notice and thank Him for the little things. And you know what? It brings joy to my heart too. I can start out on one of my morning walks and just be struggling with things in my heart and there it is, something that touches my heart that I know God put there just for me, to remind me that He is here and hasn't forgotten.


I found a quote a number of years ago that every once in a while comes to mind and in the last couple weeks hasn't really left. That quote is this.....


"We have no right to ask when a sorrow comes, 'Why did this happen to me?' unless we ask the same question for every joy that comes our way."


I know there is much more to joy and sorrow that I could get into and really dissect and discuss but I guess my main point here is that we so often wallow in our sorrows and ask why but how often do we take joy in the little things and thank the Lord for those things, for thinking of us, for loving us, for blessing us in the midst of our sorrow?


So as you go through your days remember to pay attention to the little things that God brings your way. Even in the midst of whatever sorrow you may be going through you will find that joy begins to take root. 

Praise Ye the Lord!

From the rising of the sun,

to the setting down of the same,

the Lord's name is to be praised.

Praise ye the Lord! 

Praise Him all ye servants of the Lord!

Praise the name of the Lord!

Life's Healing Choices

We are starting a new series at church this morning called "Life's Healing Choices: Freedom from Your Hurts, Hang-ups and Habits". It is a study taking us through the beatitudes and we are also going to be studying it in our small groups. 


When I first heard what it was going to be about I had these thoughts going through my head that I was so glad we are doing it because So-and-So could sure use a study like this, and Such-and-Such would get so much out of it, and I sure wish You-Know-Who was able to come and hear it. Because of course I don't have any hurts that I thought were forgotten that might rear their ugly heads, no hang-ups that might make some situations irksome, no bad habits that have me in their clutches. Of course not.


I think I should probably take some kleenexes with me though. You know, in case So-and-So needs one.

Reality Sets In

We are now finished one of the mandatory steps in the adoption
process. The seminar was very good. So informative and encouraging and
so many of our questions were answered. It all feels so much more real
now. Our family is going to be expanding! Lots of hoops to jump
through, papers to fill out, interviews to have, choices to make and
we were told it is an emotional rollercoaster but we feel a little
more prepared and I can honestly say I feel a little more excited! It
feels good to be on our way to adding to our family.
Now on to the next step.... Getting that long application filled out
and sent in.

Sent from my iPhone

Plans for a Hope and a Future

Today we embark on an exciting albeit daunting adventure! We are taking the first step in the adoption process. This evening and tomorrow we will be in a seminar that is mandatory in the adoption process. I am looking forward to it but also know that it will make our situation very real. We have been told that so far we are slotted in the 10% of unexplained infertility. In all honesty that can be frustrating! In some ways if there was a solid reason why we aren't able to conceive it would make the adoption process even more exciting but with knowing that we could still conceive at any time it makes me feel a little torn. Part of me wanting to just keep waiting and trying, part of me wanting to adopt, part of me (after being around really loud terrorizing children) not wanting kids at all! Of course you all know that in my heart of hearts I want to be a mommy but man there are times...


We agreed when we first started trying to conceive that if it didn't happen we would adopt. Never a question or hesitation on either of our parts. We have seen how perfect God's timing and plan was in bringing us together and we believe His timing and plan in expanding our family are perfect as well. And so we continue to hope and to trust that He really does know the plans He has for us and that those plans do include a hope and a future.


Your prayers are coveted as we begin this journey. I will be updating everyone once in a while as we take the different steps needed but I won't be dwelling on the topic as life has to go on and while we wait we pray and trust and live and laugh and love and HOPE!


"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

This is a new adventure for me. Sharing my life with whoever wants to read my ramblings. There is so much going on in my life right now that I thought perhaps being able to express myself in a different way would be a good thing.

And so here you have it, ChickaDee's Song.

Have you ever really listened to a chickadee? Ever really taken the time to appreciate these happy little birds? They are my favourite bird and I was thinking about it one day, pondering, why are they my favourite? They aren't anything remarkable to look at, they don't have the most beautiful song of all the birds. Then I realized that I like them so much because while they are small and can appear to be fragile, they are strong little birds. They stick it out through all of the seasons, the heat of summer and the cold of winter. They are in the background and even though you don't always see them you can hear them, and they always sound happy, cheerful, as if life is sweet no matter the weather, the temperatures, the season you may be in! Oh to walk through the quiet of a snowy forest and hear their call....chickadeedeedee...and know that you are not alone.

They are an example to me of living life with a song in my heart, no matter the weather or circumstances or hormones! And so as I share my heart and life and adventures it is my hope that through it all you will see a common thread.....that even though life can bring hardship and trial, stress and tears, it can also bring laughter and love and joy and peace and that through it all we can have a song and share that song, so that others can hear our call when they are in the forest and know that they are not alone. A favourite song of my Mom's

You can have a song in your heart in the night

After every mile, after every trial

Anyone can sing when the sun is shining bright

But you need a song in your heart at night

Listen for the song of the chickadee....