I had a really tough winter. I was sick for a few months and am still not sure exactly what was going on. It started out as gallbladder/liver issues and morphed into supposed kidney infection and just lots of pain and discomfort. I wasn't eating much so lost weight. In hindsight I can say that I was definitely dealing with seasonal affective disorder as well. I'm still not sure which came first, SAD or being sick, or if it was just a vicious cycle. I have known for years that I have adrenal fatigue (I finally a few years ago found a doctor who would treat it and help me and have been doing so much better) and so that was a factor as well. I was able to find help through different practitioners as well as just doing a better job of taking care of myself and slowly over time I began to feel better. I am doing so much better now than I was a few months ago but I definitely find that stress and busyness are really hard on me and I am slowly and not very patiently or without frustration learning to rest when my body says rest. I try not to be envious of those people who seem to have endless energy and just accept that I am how I am and I need to take care of me so I am here for my family.
Emma and Chad were amazing through all of it. Poor Emma had to put up with a Mommy who many days was just not happy and was in pain and unfortunately she probably saw the worst of it. I am so thankful that children are resilient and that she really didnt know what was going on except that some days Mommy just couldn't do stuff or Mommy had a short temper etc. She was certainly my light through it all. Chad was wonderful in jumping in and doing so much around the house and with Emma as there were many days when I just couldn't and I know he could tell just by looking at me. I will forever be so grateful and in awe of the man God has blessed me with.
It is good to be feeling better. It is good to be able to laugh and play and just be thankful for healing. It is a journey that I feel like I will always be on as I often start to feel really good and then will have a setback but I think I am learning how to handle situations better. An example is that we just had a wonderful 3rd birthday party for Emma and I actually asked my Mom to come early to help me out as I knew it would be too much for me to do. Asking for help is a really hard thing for me to do but I am learning to humble myself and do so. Life really is a journey of learning and mistakes and setbacks and walking forward and defeats and victories isn't it?! How thankful I am for family and friends to take the journey with and for a God who loves me and strengthens me through it all.
Chad has had a big project going on at work and they will be launching a new software program in the next few weeks. The stress is high and I'm not sure who will be happier when it calms down Chad or myself. It's hard to see him under so much stress and to see how it affects him. He is such a hard worker who does such an amazing job of providing for his girls and taking care of us. I don't know what he would do without his little girl who runs to greet him with smiles and hugs and kisses when he comes home from work and it makes my heart sing to hear the giggles and laughter as they play together. He so needs it and so does she. That little girl has a hero and it is most definitely her beloved Daddy.
Emma. Dear sweet headstrong Emma. Where have the last 3 years gone?! When I look at her now it's hard sometimes to remember how tiny she was. She just had a growth spurt recently and I really don't see any baby left in her anymore. She is such a character and has such a kind and compassionate heart. She loves to talk! Oh my but she loves to talk! It is so hard sometimes to not laugh while she is talking because she talks like such a little grownup but of course she doesn't realize that she is using some words in the wrong context or mispronouncing some of them (like hippopotomanus). Yes, I will admit there are moments when I wish she would be quiet, like when she is supposed to be falling asleep, but I love to listen to her. It is always fun to see people's reactions to her speaking when we are leaving a store and she is saying thank you to the cashier and telling them to have a good day or when she is explaining what we are buying or why we buying it or when we walk into the chiropractor's office and she tells the receptionist and everyone in the waiting room that we are there so the doctor can fix Mommy's back because Mommy's back is hurting. As she gets older in some ways she seems to be getting more headstrong as well but I also find that she is understanding more when it comes to discipline and talking it out with her. Like the other day when she threw a temper tantrum and afterwards she acknowledged that she wasn't throwing the tantrum because she wanted me to do whatever it was but because she was frustrated that I wasn't listening to her bossyness and giving in just to keep her quiet. Working through things like that are always so difficult but the reward comes in little things like her asking me, when it was all said and done, if we could just sit on the couch and cuddle. Which of course we did, for a long time. She has been asking me quite often lately to tell her the story about when she same home. I love to tell her the story because hearing how much Mommy and Daddy loved her before we even saw her and how she made Mommy the happiest Mommy in the world the day she came home brings such a sweet smile to her face. Three years ago our world and family changed forever and she is by far the best change that has ever happened to us!
There isn't much of an update as far as the waiting list. When I checked at the beginning of the month we were at number 32 so we really didn't move up much in May. I am hoping for a call soon but also resting in knowing that God did amazing things in bringing us our Emma and He will do the same again.
By this time next weekend all of Emma's programs (music class, swimming and sportball) will be over and we can truly enjoy summer and no schedules and playing outside and lazy days and time spent at the lake. I am so looking forward to it. To giggles and squeals and adventures and discoveries and cuddles and singing and family time. We are so blessed to have each other and being together is the most important thing to us and what we enjoy the most.
Here are a few recent photos of our Em. She was so incredibly excited about turning 3 and about her party and she loved every minute of it. It took her a few days to recover from all of the excitement. :)
