Tuesday, December 31, 2019

New Beginnings

In looking at my last post I see that it has been almost 3 years since I have written anything. So much has happened in those 3 years. In many ways they have been tough and in many ways they have been beautiful. I was hesitant to start writing again but felt the compulsion to do so and so here I am. 

I am by nature a very private person and so writing about my life can feel very intrusive when I think that it will be available for anyone and everyone to read. However, I have been reminded more than once recently that perhaps I can encourage and inspire others by sharing my life and the goings on and all that I am learning and so I am taking the leap. I am not sure what that will look like as far as blogging. Some posts will likely be raw and open, others educational, others just silly little things that I feel like writing about. Just the fact that I feel like writing again after so long though is a testament to having overcome many things, to healing in many ways, to being who God is calling me to be.

The last few years have held discoveries, victories, anxieties, joys, frustrations, lots of prayer, some tears and a whole lot of, in many ways, rediscovering myself. I have never felt like I "lost" myself but because of some health issues the person I am became buried. Those health issues affected me greatly in many ways and robbed me of the energy to do the things I love. Like writing. Unless writing is a big part of you and how you express yourself you can't understand that writing can take a lot of emotional energy and that was energy I just did not have. I am so incredibly thankful to say that I am healthier than I have been in some time and in my body healing I am finding that the sensitive, emotional and caring person I am is starting to emerge again. It has been a pleasant discovery!

When I first started this blog years ago I had a very distinct idea of what it was going to be like. Now I have no clue and so am just going to follow those prompts and nudges in my spirit to blog when I feel the urge, to share, to invite others in to what is really a very average life with some not so average twists and turns. In the next little while I will likely be giving updates on what has been going on. More details on my health journey and the things I have learned and am still learning. I might share recipes as well as tips and tricks I have learned along the way. We are in our 3rd year of homeschooling so I will be including posts about that and all that God has done and is doing. It is amazing the things you learn about yourself when you homeschool!

For now I will update you on the two things you likely most want to know about. First of all our Emma. She is 7.5 years old now! She is in grade 3 this year and is excelling academically. She has the most vivid and creative imagination I have ever seen. I am learning more about her all the time and am in awe always of the fact that God chose me to be her Momma and what all that really means (more about that in future blogs). Emma loves to love and to give and to bring joy to hearts and lives. She is a treasure and a gift and has taught me so very much in her short life. She is so quickly becoming more mature and many days I catch glimpses of the young woman she is going to be and it is a beautiful sight to behold.


The other thing I know you are probably wondering about is the status of us adopting again. Two years ago this past fall we had to update all of our info with the adoption agency and at that time Chad and I agreed that it would be the last time we would update. That if nothing happened in the two years before we had to update again then we would make the decision to come off the waiting list. Well the 2 years came and went with a couple of "almosts" but not really much other action on our profile and so as difficult as it was we made the decision to come off the waiting list. It was left until the very last possible moment "just in case" but we just knew it was time. We are both 46 years old and while many people our age have teens or older we just didn't feel like starting all over again with a newborn was what we were supposed to do. It was not an easy decision though nor one made lightly. It had always been my dream to be Momma to many but I can see in so many ways why God in His wisdom chose a different path for me. That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt at times but it does mean that I can rest in Him. In many ways there was a peace and relief that came with coming off the list. A peace because we knew it was the right thing to do and a relief because that burden of waiting is no longer on us and we can just fully concentrate and devote our time and energy on being the family that we are. I love our little family and I love that our favourite thing is just simple being together. We are blessed, so very blessed.

Enough for now. I feel like I could just keep writing and writing but I will save more thoughts for future posts as I decide what to share and not share. I do want this blog to be a source of encouragement and strength for those who read it. God has taught me a lot in many different areas in the last few years and it is my prayer that those who read this will be blessed by it.

As we enter into another new year may we all learn to lean on the everlasting arms.

Happy New Year from my blessed family to yours!