Funny Guy

Yesterday was an interesting day for me. It started with me trying to decide if I wanted to send a resume in for a full time job. I wrestled with it for quite some time and talked with Chad about it and wrestled some more. So many pros and cons. I finally decided that it didn't hurt to  send it in and then just see what happened, see what God might have in store. So I did and by last night I had my answer. There was a certain company policy that got in the way all having to do with family members working together. So the answer was no and I was actually disappointed and wondered why it had all happened because I knew there was a really good chance I would get the job and I was actually starting to feel excited about it. I knew the answer right away of course and it was this.....


In sending in my resume I was giving control over to God. There were so many arguments I had for either side of sending it or not sending it. Just sending it in and leaving it in God's hands was really hard for me because I knew that if I got the job there would be many things changing around here and I didn't really like the thought of that. I am not a controlling person but I like to have a plan and to know what's going on and what the next step is going to be and what is expected of me and have a really hard time making big decisions without really knowing what the outcome and consequences will be. And so that is why I wrestled for a little while and why it was hard for me to just send it off and leave it. 


I think it was a test. 


In all that is going on with our adopting there is definitely not much control on our side and that is hard for me too. I am learning though to just take it all one step at a time and to trust that God is taking care of it and that His timing is perfect and that He will lead and guide and that really all things work together when He is in control. So I have been trying and learning and after all of this happened with the job I really felt like I had been tested and I can only hope that I passed.


I told Chad that I felt like I had been tested, that God was testing me to see if I would give up control. Chad just chuckled and said "Funny Guy". 


Yep.